


I Am A Question To The World

by Itisyours



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Avengers (2012), F/M, Issues, Meeting the Parents, Minor Tragedy, Off-screen Minor Character Death, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itisyours/pseuds/Itisyours
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Given up at birth, Ullr searches for his parents before he comes of age and he has a lot of questions for them. It doesn't help that things don't exactly get easier after Ullr finds them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Am A Question To The World

Ullr knew he was different. He's perfectly out of palace with his extremely dark brown (almost black) hair and blue-green eyes. A few days before he was supposed to come of age, he approaches Eir, his adoptive mother, and asks her about his real parents. Eir doesn't tell him anything about them.

So...

Heimdall is the second person he goes to ask. He chooses to walk the entire length of the Bifrost until he reaches Heimdall's new observatory. "Do you know why I am?" Ullr asks, attempting to keep his nervous nature at bay. "I suppose you must since you can see everything happening in all the nine realms." Heimdall said nothing in reply. Ullr took a deep breath. "Why did they give me up? Why did they make my moth- Eir keep it a secret for so long?"

"I cannot answer those questions for you. You must ask your mother and father." Heimdall told him.

Ullr ran a hand through his hair. "How can I ask them if I don't know who they are?" Ullr sighed.

"Your mother asked me not to tell you who she is. However, you can find the both your mother and your father at the palace. You must figure out who they are."

"The palace. Well, that narrows down the list then." Ullr murmured to himself.

The guards know Ullr well by the many times he's explored the public parts of the palace while his adoptive mother worked in the healing halls. They would nod at him whenever he passed by and Ullr made sure to spare them a smile and friendly nod back. He's always been friendly with everyone. Maybe, his real parents share the same trait.

However, at the moment, Ullr is on a very special mission to find out who his parents are. So he travels into the less public areas and keeps to the shadows while avoiding the guards. He wants to observe anyone who passes by him. He only knows a little bit of magic and it barely keep him camouflaged against the walls. If he moves, his presence would be obvious. He shifts and he hears someone clear their throat.

"Your spell work is sloppy." They say to him and Ullr turns around slowly to face whoever caught him. He is surprised to see the younger prince of Asgard behind him. From what Ullr knows, Loki hardly made any appearances in special celebrations when the Asgardian public would appear. Ullr had heard rumors that it was because of some event several years ago. He doesn't really know what happened but he figures it was something really big if no one would tell him. Ullr bows his head formally. "There's no need for that." Loki tells him, leaning against the wall. "As I said, your spell work is sloppy but it is impressive. How old are you?"

"I'm almost of age. My name day is the end of this week actually." Ullr answers quickly.

"Interesting. I didn't attempt magic until after I was of age. What's your name?" Loki asks him.

"My name is Ullr." Ullr mumbles nervously under his breath.

Loki studies him for a moment, almost as if he recognizes something. "Come with me for a moment." He walks past Ullr and Ullr follows him nervously down the corridor. "I think you may have real potential to be a sorcerer if you wanted to be. Have you tried any other spells?" Loki asks as he walks toward his study.

"Not really. Just a few minor spells like summoning things and creating flames. There's very limited texts about magic in the library." Ullr explains to him.

"Well, that's only in the public library, in here-" Loki pushes open the door to his study and steps inside. "-there are a lot more." Ullr had to agree with him. Loki's study was much bigger than it appeared to be from the outside and it definitely contained several bookshelves filled with old magical texts.

Ullr walked over to one of the bookshelves and grabbed a text from the shelf. It was a pretty decent size and he looked over a few pages briefly. "Shape shifting, Pocket Dimensions, traveling between worlds. This is amazing." Ullr murmured. "Can I borrow this?" He asks, looking over at Loki.

"Go ahead. I've read it a dozen times." Loki shrugged before moving toward the bookshelf and grabbing one from the top shelf. "This is one of the better books. It mixes magic with real world applications. There's a large chapter on weapons. I’m partial to daggers but the magic can be applied to other kinds of weapons as well. What I learned here, saved me more times than I can count." He told Ullr before handing over the book to him.

"Thanks." Ullr replied politely. He stared at the books in his hand and had a thought. "Would you- no, it's ridiculous." Ullr murmured to himself.

"What is ridiculous?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"You're probably super busy. I mean, you're a prince. It's not like you would have the time to help me learn about magic." Ullr rambled on for a moment.

"Why not? I've got plenty of time. I don’t' do much around here anyway." Loki replied, crossing his arms.

"You mean you would teach me? You'd be my tutor in all things magical?" Ullr asked surprised by such a response.

"Yes, I’ll be your tutor." Loki answered with a small smile. "We'll start tomorrow. I would usually prefer the afternoon but I've a sparring match then. Why don't you come by and watch? I'll be using a little bit of magic and you'll be able to see some of it. We can go over some afterward." Ullr nodded in agreement. "It'll be in the training yard just after lunch. Don't be late."

"I won't. I'll be extra early." Ullr assured him before leaving Loki's study with the two books and heading off to find Eir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a simple idea I came up at midnight a few days ago and was further inspired to write more by the song I'm Still Here by the Goo Goo Dolls feat. John Rzeznik.
> 
> The next chapter will be up within the new few days.


	2. Not An Answer to Be Heard

Ullr keeps his promise and arrives at the training yard early. He gets there before anyone else and sits on the bench by himself. Ullr works on creating flames while he waits. He stops when he hears people arriving. One he recognizes as Prince Thor. The rest he doesn't quite remember who they are despite Eir talking about them. "Who is this?" The woman with them asks after gazing at him carefully. Her question is directed at the others. The blonde man shrugs as Loki appears from the other path to the training yard. Ullr nervously waves at him and bites his lip.

He's really got to get this whole nervous thing under control. He must look awfully awkward. Ullr thinks to himself.

"You know him?" The woman asks Loki and there's a bit of an odd look on her face.

"Yes. He's my new student. He's only here to watch me fight, Sif. We have a lesson afterward." Loki explains to her.

"He'll be watching you lose." The bigger man next to her laughed.

"Yes, I can't imagine the kid will be learning anything of use from the way Loki fights." The blonde man agreed.

"Fine." Sif says to Loki. "Our spar is before Fandral and Hogun and after your spar with Thor." She walks over to the bench and sits a few feet away from Ullr. Loki sits next to him as Thor and the bigger man take their positions to fight each other. Sif tries to concentrate on the fight but her curiosity gets to the better of her. "You look familiar. Who are your mother and father?" She asks Ullr.

"I don't know. I was given up at birth." Ullr says quietly, avoiding Sif's gaze. Loki exchanges a look with Sif over his head.

"Oh." Sif says in reply before looking away.

"I'm trying to figure out who they are before I come of age." Ullr explains to her. "Heimdall wouldn't tell me who they were just that they're here at the palace."

"Interesting." Loki comments. "I've never known Heimdall to do such a thing. Your parents must be interesting if Heimdall is keeping them a secret. I'll help you find them."

"No, I couldn't ask you to do that." Ullr shakes his head.

"Well, you're not asking me. It's a completely different situation." Loki argued. "You have no choice. I'm helping you."

"Loki, let the kid decide if he needs your help or not." Sif scowled at him.

"I'm already helping him learn about all things magical. I don't mind giving extra help when it's needed." Loki countered.

"Fine, you can help." Ullr agreed so that the two of them would stop arguing through him. The spars went by quickly and soon Loki was sparring with Thor.

"You know you don't have to have his help." Sif told Ullr as the fight went on for a while.

"It's okay. I'll need all the help I can get. The palace is big and I want to find them before my name day." Ullr replied, keeping his eyes on the fight. Loki knew a lot about magic, Ullr observed. He was creating clones of himself left and right and Ullr was having a hard time keeping track of the right one.

"How will you know if your parents are actually your parents?" Sif asked Ullr.

"I hadn't really thought it out. I figured if I could just find my mother, hopefully, she would recognize me or something like that." Ullr answered.

Sif nodded slowly. "What if you don't find them? Or what if...?" She trailed of mid-question.

"What if they still don't want me?" Ullr finished for her. He shrugged. "I guess I can just try to make them proud of me, hope they regret their decision, and come crawling back to me."

Sif chuckled in response. "I suppose that could work." Thor and Loki's spar was finally over and Sif stood up. "Well, I have to go spar with your teacher. I'll try not to get him too banged up for your lesson." Sif told him before she walked over to Thor and Loki.

Ullr was impressed by the magic Loki used during his spar with Sif. Most of it was flashy stuff to distract her but he did manage to fool her a few times. Sif kept her word and didn't hurt Loki as much as she usually would have but she did beat Loki.

Afterward, Loki took Ullr to a clearing not very far away and showed him all of the techniques he used. Ullr asked a quite a few questions but Loki answered them with a small smile. He let Ullr practice his magic and told Ullr what he should improve or what needed fixing. Loki was patient with Ullr and Ullr listened carefully to Loki's words. The lesson continued on for most of the afternoon until Frigga interrupted them. "Afternoon, Loki."

"Afternoon, mother." Loki greeted back.

"Who is this?" Frigga asked her son.

"This is my new student, Ullr." Loki said while introducing him. "He knows a bit of magic and I'm helping him learn more."

Frigga nodded slowly. She recognized his name and Eir had told her about his situation when he was only a baby. She gave him a small smile. "Why don’t you come to the small celebration we're having tonight, Ullr? Today is the Lady Sif's name day. She doesn't like celebrations for herself but it'll just be family and friends tonight. However, I think we might be seeing more of you around the palace soon with all of your lessons."

"Of course, my queen." Ullr nodded in agreement.

"See you tonight." Frigga smiled and left the two of them alone.

"Well, I have to get ready for tonight and now, apparently, you do too." Loki began. "Stop by my study when you're done getting ready. I have one more thing for you."


	3. Or A Moment To Be Held In Your Arms

Ullr walked slowly to Loki's study. It didn't take him to get ready so he was really early (at least, that's what he figured) to already be at Loki's study. Then again, Ullr liked to be early for things. It gave him time to ponder things beforehand. As he was pondering what Loki might have for him, he noticed the door to Loki's study was slightly ajar. He walked toward it quietly and he could hear whispering from the other side of the door. He used his magic to camouflage himself before peeking through the crack in the door. Loki was sitting in one of his reading chairs and Sif was with him. Actually, she was on top of him and kissing him fiercely. Loki pushed her back gently. "Sif, you should be getting ready for the celebration."

"I don't want the celebration." She whispered back. "I've waited long enough for this."

"You can wait a bit longer." Loki assured her, pushing a piece of her hair back behind her ear. "We're taking this slow, remember? It was _your_ idea."

"I know. I know." Sif nodded. There was a quiet moment and Ullr considered walking around for a little while until Sif left. "Loki?"

"Yes?" He answered, resting his hands on her waist.

"Do you remember the first time we did this? Sneaking around behind their backs?" She asked him.

"I do. It was after-" Loki stopped short and was really quiet.

"After you were released from your prison." Sif continued for him and Ullr was surprised to hear this. Loki had been in prison? What for? "After you helped rebuild the Bifrost and I was assigned to guard you, when we started to grow closer-"

"-until you broke things off suddenly and went on some secret mission to Vanaheim." Loki finished for her. "I remember. It was a very long year for me. I tried to see you after you returned but Eir shooed me off. I remember sneaking in and seeing the scars along your stomach." Ullr saw Loki's hands move underneath her tunic. "We've all seen them, you know. You've never told us how you got them. The others are _still_ curious as to why you refuse to go to Vanaheim. I am, too."

"Loki, please." Sif pushed his hand away and climbed off of him.

"Is the memory still painful?" Loki asked her, standing up and following her over to the window.

"Not as much as it used to be but yes. It is painful." Sif told him. "I should go and get ready. I'll see you tonight." Sif kissed his cheek and walked toward the door. Ullr moved out of the way and hid in the shadows beside the door. Sif closed the door behind her and didn't move for a moment. Ullr watched as Sif wiped at the tears and took a moment to regain herself before walking away.

Ullr waited a few minutes beside the door so it wouldn't look like he had been spying on their private moment. He peered through the crack again. Loki was walking along the bookshelf, silently muttering to himself.

"Well, you've improved but you still have some work to do." Loki said to him. Ullr turned around to find Loki beside him. "I saw you move when Sif headed toward the door. How long have you been standing there?"

"How long have you been taking things slow with Sif?" Ullr asked in return.

"Answer my question first." Loki replied.

"That did answer your question." Ullr remarked. Loki stared at him for a moment before he smirked.

"Despite it being none of your business, Sif and I have been taking things slow for about a month." Loki told him before walking around him and going into his study.

Ullr followed after him. "I won't tell anyone."

"Good because Sif would probably kick your ass if you did. Wait right there for a moment." Loki replied as he disappeared behind a bookshelf.

"So, why are you and Sif sneaking around?" Ullr asked him.

"Sif doesn't like her personal and public life to clash." Loki began as he looked around for a particular book. "To the public's eye, she's a warrior and thus, she believes she should act like one. However, her family knows she can not always be expected to act like a warrior. There are times, they believed, when she should act like a lady. Her family asked her to find a suitor. They did not approve when she told them that she had found one and it was me."

"Was this _after_ you went to prison?" Ullr interrupted.

Loki looked around the corner at Ullr. "How much do you know about that?"

"Only that you went to prison because of some big event you caused. That's why you don't make many public appearances." Ullr told him.

Loki nodded slowly before disappearing behind the bookshelf. "I see. Yes. Well, Sif saw how they didn't approve, considering my history, and she agreed to keep it a secret. She didn't want Asgard to start questioning her loyalty as a warrior of Asgard because she was with a former criminal. Personally, I could care less about what Asgard thinks but I care enough about her not to hurt her reputation. Here it is." Loki pulled down the book he had been looking for. He rounded the corner and handed it to Ullr. "It has a whole bunch of tips on how to _properly_ conceal yourself. I thought you might like it considering how much you've been sneaking around lately."

"Thanks." Ullr replied, setting it down on the table next to him. "I'll grab it after the celebration. So, why were you in prison?"

Loki frowned slightly. "That is a very long story. Perhaps, I'll tell you another time. We should be heading to the celebration. I'll introduce you to everyone." Loki said as he led Ullr out of his study.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments! :)


	4. And What Do You Think You'd Ever Say

Ullr was a bit nervous at the celebration. Loki was introducing him to all of Sif's friends. He shook their hands upon meeting them. He even shook Thor's hand and Thor was very impressed that Ullr had asked to be Loki's student. He noticed Loki's careful interaction with Sif's parents when he introduced Ullr to them. They smiled at Ullr politely and hid their distaste of Loki's presence at the celebration well

Loki spotted Sif across the room and headed toward her with Ullr right behind him. He was about halfway to her when his mother interrupted him. "There you are, Loki! Might I speak with you privately?" Frigga asked him.

"Of course. Just give me a moment." He told her before heading toward Sif. "Happy Name Day, Sif." Loki said to her with a smile.

She smiled back at him. "Thank you."

"Will you stay with him while I speak to my mother?" Loki asked her. "I'll only be gone for a moment."

"Of course." Sif agreed. Loki smiled and disappeared with Frigga. "Hello again." Sif said to Ullr. "I see that Loki invited you."

"Actually, the queen did." Ullr explained to her. "She's been acting a little odd around me."

"Well, she acts that way around everybody." Sif said in reply. "I didn't catch your name earlier."

"Oh, sorry. My name is Ullr." He answered.

A strange look passed over Sif's face as if all the blood was being drained from her. She blinked a few times. "That's an...interesting name." She said slowly, looking away briefly before looking back at him. "I think I saw Eir wandering around somewhere. You should find her and say hello."

"I'm good." Ullr replied, trying to figure out Sif's mystery face. They were both quiet as Ullr stared at her and Sif kept looking away. Sif started to fidget with her hands and Ullr slowly began to realize what was going on.

"Are you...?" He trailed off nervously.

Sif sighed and rubbed her temples. "This isn't the best time or place to be discussing this."

"But you're my-" Ullr began but Sif interrupted him by pulling him toward the balcony and away from the celebration. "I can't believe it." Ullr murmured to himself. "You're my mother?"

"Yes." Sif sighed.

"Why? Why would you give me up? Is it because you didn't want me to interfere with your warrior status?" Ullr asked her.

Sif shook her head. “No. Who said that?"

"Loki said that you didn't like your personal and public life to clash. That's why you kept your relationship with him a secret." Ullr shrugged.

"He told you about us?!" Sif exclaimed.

Ullr shook his head. "I accidentally saw you two kissing earlier. I promise I won't tell anyone." Sif said nothing. "So...Who is my father?"

"I don't think it is the right time-" Sif began to say but Ullr interrupted her.

"Which should I tell your friends and family about first? You being my mother or you and Loki together? " Ullr threatened more than he questioned her.

She had to admit to he was his father's son. She took a deep breath and exhaled it. "Your father is Loki."

"Loki is my father?" Ullr repeated in surprise .

"Yes but he doesn't know." Sif told them. "No one knows about my relationship with him and only a few know that I'm your mother."

"Eir and Heimdall." Ullr said.

"And I suspect Frigga knows as well." Sif added. Ullr nodded in agreement. That would definitely explain her behavior around him. "Look, it wasn't your fault that I gave you up. It's mine. I didn't want-"

"You didn't want me?" Ullr interrupted quickly.

"Yes-No! I mean... I just-" Sif stammered. "I couldn't tell anyone what happened especially your father. I was in pain, Ullr. You were a reminder of- of-"

"A reminder of what?" Ullr questioned.

Sif turned away from him and leaned against the railing. "I was pregnant with twins. You and your sister."

Ullr was taken back by this news. "I have a sister? A twin sister?"

Sif shook her head. "No. No, I'm afraid not." Ullr didn't say anything. He knew what she was implying. Sif continued on, "I was just so upset by her death when I gave birth to the both of you on Vanaheim. I just- I couldn't take care of you properly. The Vanir asked me to return to Asgard and I did. I went to Eir and I told her I couldn't be your mother. I never told her why. I've never told anyone why I won't talk about Vanaheim all those years ago."

"What was her name?" Ullr asked quietly.

"Hela. I was going to call her Hela." Sif whispered before turning around to look at Ullr. "I'm so sorry, Ullr. I never meant to abandon you. "

"Why couldn't you let Loki know?" He questioned.

"I couldn't face him back then. I couldn't tell him that I had given birth to you and your twin but she had died. I didn't want to see his reaction when I had been pregnant in the first place." Sif explained. "I didn’t want to be pitied or left by myself. It was easier to be friends and then try to let the pain fade away. A good portion of it has."

"This isn't fair to Loki." Ullr shook his head. "He's my father and he doesn't even know I'm his son. He deserves to know about me, about Hela, about Vanaheim. He deserves to know what happened."

"Ullr, please." Sif began.

"No. I want him to know." Ullr interrupted.

Sif sighed almost dejectedly. "You're going to tell him if I don't. Aren't you?"

"Definitely." Ullr nodded in agreement.

"Fine. I'll tell him but I will tell him tomorrow." Sif told Ullr.

"Thank you...mother." Ullr added after a thought.

"So...your Name Day is coming up." Sif mentioned and Ullr nodded. "Do you want a big or small celebration?"

"A small one with chocolate cake. It's my favorite." Ullr explained to her with a small smile.

Sif smiled as well. "Loki's favorite is chocolate."

""Really?" Ullr asked in surprise.

"Yes." Sif answered. A thought crossed her mind. "Ullr, there's something else you should know. It's about Loki and it's kind of a long story."

"Is this about Loki being in prison?"

Sif didn't answer his question but she asked him, "Do you want to hear it?" Ullr shook his head. He wanted to hear Loki tell it. Sif let out a breath of relief. "Good."


	5. I Won't Listen Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should mention now that the chapter titles are the lyrics to "I'm Still Here" by The Goo Goo Dolls feat. John Rzeznik. They don't necessarily relate to the chapter.

Ullr and Sif returned to the celebration shortly after their private conversation. Ullr spotted Loki coming towards them and he couldn't help but stare at Loki as he talked to Sif. "Where did you two go?" He asked the both of them.

"Onto the balcony. Ullr let it slip that he knew about us. We were having a private chat." Sif explained to him. Technically, she wasn't lying to him. It was just more of twisting the truth to fit her words. Loki cast Ullr a look as if to say, you weren't supposed to tell her.  
Ullr looked away from his gaze and murmured, "I was nervous and it was an accident," under his breath. Loki looked back at Sif and she smiled at him. "I'm going to go get a drink." Ullr said quickly before running off to find something to steady his nerves.

"What did your mother want?" Sif asked Loki shortly after Ullr disappeared to find a drink. Loki moved close to her but kept a bit of distance between them.

Loki dropped his voice to a low whisper. "She suggested that I tell Ullr about my past." He smiled at some of the people who passed by them and they gave a polite smile back.

Sif dropped her own voice so that only Loki would hear her. "I don't think that is such a good idea right now." Loki's past was the last thing Ullr needed to hear at the moment. He had heard enough about her past already. He didn't need to hear what his father had done.

"Why not?" Loki asked her. Sif said nothing and gave him a look. "Isn't it better if he heard it from me than some stranger with a particular dislike for my person?"

"He has a lot of other things on his mind right now." Sif whispered back to him. Loki raised an eyebrow at her as if to say, like what? "His parents being a major matter to him."

Loki nodded slowly before looking at the crowd. "I've been trying to figure out who they might be. However, I have had no luck yet. Does Ullr look familiar to you? I can't put my finger on what it is about him that is so familiar but I feel like I should know what it is." Loki tapped his finger against his chin as he thought it over once again. Sif bit back a small smile that tried to appear on her face. Loki looked at her and saw her doing so. "What is so funny? Do you know something I don't?"

"Yes, I do." Sif smiled politely as her parents walked up to her and greeted her. She chatted with them for a moment before they excused themselves.

She looked back at Loki. He tapped his foot against the ground impatiently. "I'm waiting." He said, slightly annoyed by the fact that Sif knew something he didn't.

"You'll have to wait for me to tell you about it later. This isn't the time or place." Sif answered him.

Loki leaned closer to her and whispered into her ear. "After the celebration then and in your room. We wouldn't want anyone else seeing us together." He pulled away from her and headed off to go chat with his brother. Loki looked around for Ullr after speaking with his brother but Ullr had disappeared. Loki frowned to himself before he excused himself from the celebration and headed to Sif's room. He made sure no one was following him when he opened the door to her room and closed it behind him after entering. He made himself comfortable as he pulled a book out of a pocket dimension and read it while he waited for Sif.

After a long time and a few books later, Sif entered her room and closed the door behind her. "Have you been waiting long?" She asked him as a way of greeting him.

"I have my book. It was fine." He answered, greeting her back. Sif walked over to him and sat down on the bed beside him. Loki waited for her to say something and Sif waited for him to ask her what she knew. An odd quiet filled the room until Loki finally broke the silence. "What do you know that I don't?"

""It's about Ullr." Sif began slowly, fidgeting with her hands. "You see, I- Well, it's just- I mean..." She trailed off under Loki's sharp gaze and turned away from him so she could say, "Ullr is my son."

Loki had to repeat what she had said in his head a few times. "Your son? Ullr is your son?" Loki asked her surprised and shocked by such a confession. "I can't imagine you pregnant. I mean, not in a bad way or anything. I just know you've always been the warrior woman. When were you even...?" He trailed off mid-question, just staring and waiting for some answers.

Sif took a deep breath. "I found out I was pregnant before Vanaheim." She explained to him.

Loki felt his heart stop. "Before Vanaheim? You don't mean..." It was all making sense to him know. "Is he-?" Ullr having magic. The reason why Ullr looked so familiar to him. "Is he my son, Sif?" He asked her in a whisper.

Sif bit her lip and looked over at him before she answered him. "Yes." She said simply to him.

Loki ran a hand through his hair. "I have a son." He repeated to himself in a quiet murmur. "Why didn't you tell me? All these years that we were dancing around each other. You didn't think it was something we should talk about!? Something that I should know about?!" He asked her, upset and angry that she had kept this from him for so long.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Sif apologized in response. "It was just- Being on Vanaheim was painful and I gave up Ullr because I couldn't take the pain back then. I didn't want to be reminded of Hela."

"Hela?" Loki asked her in confusion before a thought popped into his head. She didn't mean-

"His twin sister." Sif told him quietly. She could slowly feel the pain coming back just by speaking about her. The knot in her stomach tightened and tears started forming in her eyes as Loki continued talking.

"Twins, Sif? You gave up twins?!" He yelled at her, standing up from the bed and pacing in front of her. "Where is she? Did you leave her with some other family just like-"

"Hela died." Sif interrupted him and Loki's outburst ceased immediately. Loki looked over at her and saw the tears falling from her eyes. "On Vanaheim, shortly after being born." Sif continued, her voice breaking. Loki felt his heart ache. So this was why she never spoke of Vanaheim. "She didn't even get to live- I mean-" Loki sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her, trying to comfort her. "I barely got to hold her in my arms, Loki. I just-" Sif sniffed and wiped at her tears. She wasn't going to cry. Not now. She needed to be strong. "I couldn't take her death. I couldn't take care of Ullr properly after it happened. I had to give him to Eir." She finished and Loki let out the breath he had been holding. There was a silent pause as Loki said nothing to her, just holding her close to him. "Loki?" Sif finally questioned and he let go of her.

He cleared his throat. "I should go. I need to think about this. All of this. I need some time alone." He told her. "Will you tell Ullr that our lesson for tomorrow will be cancelled?" He asked her and Sif nodded. Loki sighed to himself before he leaned over and kissed her cheek. He stood up and exited her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(
> 
> I think I might go cry in a corner or write the next chapter. Whatever happens first.


	6. You Don't Know Me

Sif had told Ullr the next day and he had been very understanding. Sif spent part of her day with Ullr, teaching him about some of the techniques she used during a spar. She slowly grew a little more nervous as Loki kept himself locked up in his room the day afterwards. It was getting closer to Ullr's name day and know what his thoughts were about all of this. Ullr joined her as she headed to Loki's room. "Loki? It's been a few days. Have you had enough time?" Sif called out after she knocked on his door. She exchanged a glance with Ullr once they heard footsteps coming toward the door.

The door opened and Loki stood in the doorway. "Yes, I've- I've had enough time to think." Loki began, clearing his throat. He noticed Ullr with Sif. "Can we talk privately for a moment, Sif?" He asked her, giving Ullr a small apologetic smile.

"Alright." She agreed before Loki pulled Sif into his room. The door closed and Ullr put his ear to the door to listen in. Their voices were slightly muffled but he still could make out the words they were saying.

"What are your thoughts?" Sif asked Loki. Ullr could hear the nervousness in her voice.

"I've had many thoughts within the past couple of days." Loki began. Ullr imagined Loki fidgeting with his hands as he said this, "Does anyone know that we're his parents?"

"Heimdall and Eir know. I suspect your mother does as well based on her latest behavior. Eir only knows that I'm his mother." Sif explained to him.

There was a quiet pause before Loki continued. "We will have to tell the others sooner or later. Preferably before they start to notice how Ullr and I look very similar and start to come up with their theories as to why that is."

Sif sighed dejectedly. "I know. I just haven't decided how I should tell everyone. I will, just not now... not yet." Sif replied, adding 'not yet' after another pause.

"Everyone is going to wonder, Sif. All of Asgard will find out eventually." Loki told her, a firmness in his voice as if he knew this was an absolute fact.

"Where are you going with this?" Sif asked him quietly, nervousness still present in her voice. Ullr pressed his ear harder against the door.

"I say we should tell them tonight. At least, those we trust closely so that they know before Ullr's Name Day. Then, we can figure out who to announce it to everyone else before it comes out in the wrong way." Loki finished. There was another quiet pause and Ullr imagined Sif crossing her arms and tapping her foot as she thought it over.

"And what about Ullr?" Sif questioned him.

Ullr imagined confusion etched across Loki's face as he asked Sif, "What about him?"

"You know what will happen, Loki. They'll torment him for being your son." Sif told him, imagined fists clenching tightly as she spoke a bit angrily.

"It will help build his character, Sif." Loki argued quickly with her. "This needs to be done now. We need to accept him in public."

"I will not throw him to the wolves, Loki! They will not whisper and gossip about him and ruin his name with your past!" Sif countered. Ullr could hear her yelling much more clearly than her normal speech.

"If you don't tell them, I will them he is our son." Loki threatened in return.

"And why would they believe you?!?" Sif yelled at him. "You've always been the God of Lies! Why would they believe you!?!"

"Because he is my son! He looks like me, Sif! His eyes share the color that mind do!" Loki yelled back at her and Sif scoffed. "Because the more they look at the two of us, the more they will start to notice the similarities!" Ullr was surprised at how fast they had gotten into a fight over him.

"He does not! He does not look like us!" Sif argued with him. "They will not notice any similarities between Ullr and us! And I will deny it if you tell them! I will deny everything you try to tell them!"

Ullr felt an ache in his heart. She wasn't going to tell the others that he was her and Loki's son? She wasn't going to claim him as her son? He listened as a brief quietness set in between them before Loki spoke and Ullr's heart stopped.

"He is part Jotun, Sif." Loki told her angrily. "Tell me how will you deny him being my son if they start to notice how he shies away from the sun. How he prefers to sit in the cool shade. Tell me what you'll say when they see him in the bitter cold and notice how he isn't cold at all. They might even see him turn blue. What will you say then? Hm? After all of your denying that I am his father and trying not to draw attention to him, they will notice him and they will see the truth."

Ullr heard a loud slap echo through the door. He pulled his ear away from the door once he heard Sif storming towards it. He didn't move after she pulled it open. " I heard everything." He said before she could say anything to him. He chose not to look at her. "Was there something you forgot to tell me? Or did you purposefully choose not to tell me that I was part Frost Giant!?"

Sif felt the blood drain from her face and a guilty expression took the place of her anger. "I-I was going to tell you." Sif whispered to him.

"When were you going to tell me?" Ullr looked up at her with fierce angry eyes. "Before you denied me being your son or after I turned blue?" He curled his hands into fists.

"Ullr, I didn't-" Sif began but she was interrupted by Ullr.

"No. I don't want to hear any excuses you have to offer." Ullr began, his nails digging into his palms harshly. "The only reason you don't want to tell anyone that I'm your son and he's my father is because you don't want them to whisper about you."

"He's right, you know." Loki said quietly from behind Sif. She looked over her shoulder at him. He was rubbing his cheek from where she had slapped him and there was visible red mark. "You’re doing this because you don't want them whispering about you again, Sif."

Sif looked back and forth between the two of them as she tried to think of something to say, some way to deny what they were saying. Instead, she stormed away from the both of them, tears threatening to fall fro her eyes. Ullr watched her leave before turning to look at Loki.

"I was going to tell you about my true heritage before I knew you were my son. That's what I was discussing with my mother at Sif's celebration." Loki explained to Ullr. Ullr's fists slowly uncurled as he continued. "She thought I mention it before you would hear others talking about me when they found out you were my student. That wasn't how I planned on letting you know."

Ullr took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Why does you family still call you brother and son if you're not really a part of their family?" Ullr asked him. It was a good question. If everyone knew that Loki wasn't really of Asgard and the royal family, why did they refer to him as their son and brother and vice versa.

"They've cared for me since Odin brought me here from Jotunheim. They've always cared for me and they are the only that I have ever known." Loki began. He scratched at an itchy spot in between his nose and his eye. "I'm a bit like you in a way. My real father gave me up and Odin took me in. Eventually, I discovered the truth."

"What did you do?" Ullr asked him, leaning against the door frame to relieve some of the pain at the soles of his feet. he had been standing for so long and it was slowly killing him.

"Truthfully? I went a bit insane." Loki admitted, briefly looking away from Ullr. "I nearly killed Odin, killed my real father, and attempted to destroy Jotunheim. I help destroy the Bifrost and then I threw myself off of it into the abyss below. I became more and more insane and tried to conquer Midgard. I killed a lot of Midgardians before I was captured and put into my very own prison in the dungeons." Loki moved into his room and ran a hand through his hair.

Ullr stepped into Loki's room and leaned against door after closing it. His feet were still killing him. "So, that's why you were in a prison?"

"Yes. As I said, it is a bit of a long story. That was the short version." Loki told him. He crossed his arms in front of him out of boredom. "All of this was before you were born. It's what Sif fears will be brought up and used to tarnish her name and status."

"Will you tell me the long version? It would be better if I heard it from you first." Ullr did have a point, Loki thought to himself. It would be better to hear it from him than the others. Loki shrugged.

"Well, you might as well sit down." Loki gestured to a couple of reading chairs in his room. Ullr gladly sat down in one, happy to be off his feet. Loki sat down in the other chair and started to tell Ullr the long version of the story. He explained everything, starting with Thor's coronation and ending with getting out of his prison. He corrected himself quite a few times as parts started to blur together or when he attempted to change what really happened. Ullr listened to the story quietly, nodding only occasionally. He had to agree with Loki's statement before about how long of a story this was.


	7. And I'll Never Be What You Want Me To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lateness!

Ullr didn't see Sif at all during the few days that followed. He said nothing on the day that Loki arrived in his study and was clearly angry. Ullr figured that he had sought out Sif and had gotten into another fight with her. However, after those long and exhausting days, it was finally upon them: Ullr's Name Day. Ullr had spent the day doing what he usually did. He didn't feel like it was that special, despite it being also being his coming of age day. Mostly, his time was spent in Loki's study, reading over a few magical texts and practicing his magic with his father. Loki had even gotten him a small gift: a set of polished blue runes with golden symbols on them and a book on how to read them.

Ullr ended up going outside to the training yard, hoping to find his mother there. She was not. Instead, Thor and the Warriors Three gave him some a few techniques on how to fight and he watched them spar with each other before going to get ready for the small celebration Loki had set up for him.

Ullr waited patiently for Sif to arrive. In fact, he waited all throughout his dinner, and cake, and Loki's announcement that he was Ullr's father. That was all Loki said about the matter, despite the badgering the both of them received afterward about who was Ullr's mother. Frigga hugged him immediately once the news was out and Ullr still kept an eye out for his mother. He waited all night until the celebration was over. An odd aching feeling filled his chest as Loki set his hand on Ullr's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ullr."

Ullr didn't reply. He was upset. He had set out to find his mother and father so that they would be there once he had came of age and his mother had missed it. He was beyond upset. He was furious. He stormed away from Loki and headed for the gardens. He sat there for a good long while trying to keep his anger form exploding before he stood up and headed down a very familiar path.

His feet hit the ground hard with every step he took as he stared straight ahead of him. The sea around him did nothing to soothe him like it usually had done in the past. He heard a set of feet walking a good distance behind him and he glanced over his shoulder. It was Loki. He looked back in front of him as the Bifrost seemed to surge beneath his feet. At last, he reached Heimdall's observatory.

"Where is she?!" He asked Heimdall angrily. He could not remember being this angry in all of his life. Although, the time Astrid stole his toys was a distant second. He had thrown a monstrous fit at Eir when she had told him to share.

"She left a day ago. She did not know when she would be back but she hoped it was soon." Heimdall answered.

"I asked _where_ she is, not _when_ she left." Ullr chided, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Ullr, perhaps, it would be better if you came back later." Loki suggested to him.

"I want to know where she is and why she deemed it so important to be there than to be here to celebrate her son's coming of age." Ullr told him, still very angry.

"She went to Nornheim. I do not know why." Heimdall told Ullr.

"What? What is she doing there?" Loki questioned Heimdall. There was silence as Heimdall seemed to turn his gaze upon her, but he could not see nor hear her.

"Whatever business she is conducting, I cannot see it. She is clouded to me." Heimdall answered.

Ullr turned on his heel and stormed away from Loki and Heimdall. He went to his room and sulked for a good long while before he threw his boots at the wall out of anger. Then, he feel asleep upright with his arms crossed at the foot of his bed. Loki came in to check on him and found him in his odd position. He grabbed a stray blanket from the floor and wrapped it around Ullr after noticing him shaking silently and then he left the room.

* * *

 

Sif examined the room as she walked into it. The ceilings were high and the walls contained lots of windows so there was plenty of light shining into the room. A cauldron stood upon a table filled with old texts to the left of her. Across from the door she had entered from, there was a very ornate chair in the middle of the room and a woman sat upon it. Sif knew who she was. Her gaze moved to the hooded figure behind her beside the door. "Welcome, Lady Sif." Sif looked at Karnilla as she greeted her. "It's been so long since we had a visit from our Asgardian friends. I assume that you are here for more than just to visit?"

Sif nodded. "Indeed, I have a request to ask of you."

Karnilla smiled politely. "Leave us." She told the figure beside the door and they did so. "I must say, I did not expect you to give birth to a child, Lady Sif." Karnilla mused, a wave of her fingers and the spoon within the cauldron began to move on its own. "Nor did I expect your relationship with a certain Prince of Asgard."

"I do not wish to talk about that. I am here about my request." Sif told her firmly. "I would-"

"I know." Karnilla interrupted her with her hand raised. "Before we get to that, I have a gift for you." She waved her raised hand and a golden bow and a quiver of arrows appeared in front of Sif. "This bow will never break and the arrows will always hit their target." Sif was silent as Karnilla continued. "I am afraid that I cannot help you with what you came here for. What you seek cannot be done so easily and could only be attempted with dark magic. We both know that the Allfather would never allow such a thing to happen and I have no intention of cutting ties with Asgard in order to help you, my dear. I can give you this gift but nothing else."

"You must understand the situation I am in." Sif attempted to persuade her. "My request-"

"-will go unfulfilled by me." Karnilla finished for her. "I am sorry, Lady Sif. Perhaps, someone else will be foolish enough to grant your request but it shall not be me." Sif clenched her fists angrily. "I would highly recommend that you take what I have give you and return to Asgard now."

Sif grabbed the bow. "I shall." Sif turned on her heel and stormed out the temple. She headed toward the forest when someone grabbed her arm. Sif turned around with every intention of hurting whoever had grabbed her arm.

"I can help you with you request, Lady Sif." The same hooded figure from the temple told her and Sif lowered her fist.

"Who are you?" Sif asked them. She was still a bit angry that Karnilla denied her request.

"Not here. Follow me." The figure told her and headed toward the forest. Sif followed them, wondering who they were and how they could help. The figure turned unexpectedly off the path in the woods. They lowered their hood once the two of them were in a clearing. Blonde curls tumbled out of the hood and Sif recognized the person instantly.

"Enchantress." Sif said simply and Amora turned to look at her. "I heard that Karnilla had exiled you from this realm."

"Karnilla may be the Queen of this realm but she cannot prevent me from entering this realm." Amora told her coldly. She waved her hand and a small cottage appeared in front of them. "Come inside." Amora said as she opened the door and stepped inside. Sif followed her cautiously.

* * *

 

Ullr awoke early the next morning. It was so early that the sun had yet to come up. Ullr yawned and grabbed his boots from beside the wall and headed to the training yard. No one was there but Ullr felt like he needed to go there and get all of his anger out in a more productive way.

He looked over the weapons before grabbing a bow from one of the weapon racks and arrows from the quiver beside it. He shot a the practice dummy from a good ten feet away. he missed the dummy entirely but he tried again. Closer but he didn't hit the target on the dummy. Ullr closed his eyes and murmured one of the spells from the book Loki had given him on applying magic to weapon. He accidentally let the arrow go before he was finished with the spell.

He opened his eyes and was surprised to see it had landed not on the target on the dummy's chest but in the dummy's face through one of the fake eyes. "Good shot." he murmured to himself. He grabbed an arrow and began the spell again, this time with his eyes open. He let the arrow fly once he had finished the spell. He felt connected to the arrow as if they were one and the same thing. He could feel the air swish around him as the arrow continued toward the target. The feeling was gone once the arrow hit the dummy in the center of the target on its chest. He smiled and picked up another arrow, aiming for the target. The spell was but a quick and gently whisper on his lips before he let go of it again and felt the same surge once more.

Ullr continued aiming at the dummy but now he moved around. Quickly moving back and forth, left to right, up and down. The spell said quickly before he felt the arrow fly in the air. He grabbed the arrows from where had had shot them once there was no more in the quiver. The sun slowly began to rise and Ullr slowly stopped saying the spell until he was shooting with great accuracy on his own. He stuck with one arrow at a time, summoning another after each shot. The dummy was quickly becoming too easy of a target for him and he was quickly growing bored of it. The sun started to shine in his eyes and he decided he had spent enough time out here. He turned around and was surprised to find Thor and Loki watching him.

Ullr put the bow and arrows back as Thor spoke to him. "You seem to know what you're doing."

"Thanks." Ullr replied, setting the arrows gently into their quiver.

"When did you learn how to shoot like that?" Loki asked him as Ullr turned to face them.

"I knew a little about archery before I attempted it. I worked out the rest this morning." Ullr shifted uncomfortably under their gazes.

Thor's gaze moved to his brother. "Interesting. I remember a similar incident like this from many, many years ago." Thor mused and Loki met his brother's gaze. The two of them had a silent conversation between themselves using facial gestures: a barely imperceptible shake of a head, an eyebrow raised in question, a slight frown, more confusion, rolling of a set of green eyes, a small head tilt, the more obvious eye roll-"

"You're talking about me, aren't you?" Ullr interrupted their silent conversation and both their eyes were on Ullr again.

"Yes and no." Loki answered his son. They were talking about Sif. "It's nothing really." Loki assured him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments (especially h_lokidottir)!
> 
> So, any thoughts about what Sif's up to?


	8. And What Do You Think You'd Understand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again with the lateness?! Sorry, everyone!

Sif sat down on one of the empty chairs in Amora's cottage. There were books and odd objects strewn all over the tables and most of the chairs as well. Amora was flipping the pages of one of her books. She tapped her finger against a page. "Well, it seems very complex. It might not work." Amora muttered to herself.

"But you can do such a thing?" Sif asked her.

Amora looked over her shoulder. "I can but it'll cost you." She said before turning back to the book.

"What do you want? Gold? Silver?" Sif inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Amora chuckled to herself and marked the page with the feather of a raven. "No, nothing like that. What I seek from you is a bit more _personal_." She turned around and looked at Sif with her arms crossed. "Something you'd never let yourself forget."

Sif stared at her with wide eyes. "Why would you want that?" Amora said nothing but just smirked at her. "Not that. If you wanted anything else-"

"It is that or you can go back to Asgard without accomplishing what you came here for." Amora interrupted her quickly. "I don't think you'll find someone else who will help you with your request."

Sif looked away from her. "And if it doesn't work?"

"Then, it will be given back to you." Amora answered swiftly.

"Fine Do it." Sif agreed, looking back up at Amora. Amora turned back to the book and grinned.

* * *

 

Loki now helped Ullr with his magic and his archery over the course of a few days. Ullr would occasionally stop by the training yard on his own to watch Thor and the others spar. Some days, they would ask him if he wanted to join them but Ullr declined. It was on one of the days that Ullr stopped by the training yard that he found a little surprise.

His mother was there. She was laughing at a joke Fandral had just told. He froze in his steps and stared at her. Thor noticed him standing there. "Ullr!" He called and Ullr slowly walked over to him. He was still stunned that his mother was sitting next to Fandral. "Is something the matter?" Thor asked him and Ullr snapped out of his stupor.

"No. Not at all." Ullr lied easily, looking away from Sif to look at Thor. Thor gave him a look as if he didn't believe him. "Really, I'm fine. It's just a bit hot out here." He told Thor and Thor shrugged.

Ullr sat down next to Sif on the bench. "Hello." Sif said to him cheerfully and Ullr looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "I've been hearing a lot about you."

"Really?" Ullr asked her quietly, surprised that she was talking to him.

"Oh, yes. That's all these guys have been telling me about since I returned." Sif nodded. "Congratulations. I heard you came of age." She patted him on the back and Ullr was quiet. She'd really bring that up after she missed it? "Must have been a pretty fun celebration." She continued on before she looked over at him. "So...You're Loki's kid. That's a bit unbelievable. I've never known Loki to be so intimate with someone. He's always been such a loner. You're a lot like him. You're both very quiet. Right, Fandral?" She asked him and Ullr was a bit confused by what she was saying. It sounded like she actually believed what she was saying.

"Most definitely." Fandral agreed. "The two of them keep themselves up in the palace most of the day pouring over magical texts."

"That's not all I'm interested in." Ullr muttered under his breath but Sif heard him.

"What else are you interested in?" Sif asked him.

There was a lull in the spar in front of them. "I like archery."

"I've never been good at archery. I don't know why Karnilla gave me this stupid bow anyway." Sif gestured to the bow sitting behind her. Ullr picked it up to examine it. He was mesmerized by the intricate designs upon its gold surface. "You can have it if you want. I have no need for it." Ullr looked over at her and attempted to thank her when she interrupted him. "She said it could never break and would _always_ hit its target."

"Thank you." Ullr murmured, staring at the bow again. He felt a pair of eyes staring at him and he looked up. His eyes landed on his father and he could tell that he was already angry. Loki walked toward them and Ullr believed for a moment that he was going to grab his arm and tell him that they were leaving. Instead, Loki stopped in front of Sif.

"Greetings Loki." She said to him with a smile. "You're blocking my view."

"How dare you." He hissed at her. Sif's face contorted into confusion by his anger toward her.

"I don't know what I've done to anger you-" She began slowly. "-but I'm sorry?" She attempted to apologize, hoping for some sort of clue as to why he was angry with her. Ullr studied her carefully. It was like she didn't even know why she was apologizing to Loki.

"How dare you speak to him after you miss his coming of age!" Loki sneered angrily. She looked even more confused by his statement.

"Why does my trip to Nornheim have anything to do with your son's Name Day?" She asked him slowly, still confused by his reaction.

Not _my_ son, _our_ son!!" He yelled at her and Sif seemed genuinely taken back by his words. Thor and the others looked to Loki, Sif, and Ullr. They were just as surprised by this news as Sif was.

"What? Loki, you must be mistaken I'm not-" She attempted to say but Loki stopped her with his words.

"Don't you dare pretend you have no idea what I'm talking about!" He said to her coldly. "He's _your_ son just as he is _my_ son."

"I don't think she's pretending." Ullr interrupted them and Loki looked over at him. "She looks genuinely confused by what you're saying." Ullr gestured at Sif and Loki studied her silently for a moment.

"Loki, I don't know what's come over you but I'm not his mother." Sif said to him.

"You are." Loki argued with her and a thought popped into his head. "You have scars on your stomach from Vanaheim where you gave birth to Ullr. If you're not his mother, you won't have those scars." Loki countered quickly. The others looked over at her expectantly. "Show us your stomach."

"Fine." Sif shrugged her shoulders and lifted her tunic to show her stomach. Loki furrowed his brows in confusion. There were no scars. He had briefly seen them before and he had definitely felt them. "No scars, Loki."

"That's not possible. I've touched them." Loki murmured and he touched the skin of her stomach. The skin was smooth there. He retracted his hand. "I don't understand. I know they were there."

"Brother-" Thor began sympathetically.

"Don't." Loki stopped him with a glare. Sif fixed her tunic and Loki looked back at her. "She had them. I know she had them." Loki grabbed Sif's arm and pulled her up off the bench.

"What are you doing?" She asked him, surprised and a bit angry that he was treating her like this.

"We're going to Eir. She must have seen your scars when you came back from Vanaheim." Loki pulled her away from the training yard. Ullr followed after them.

"This is madness." Sif told Loki as he continued pulling her toward the healing hall. "I think you've _finally_ lost your mind."

"I have not." Loki argued with her. Ullr was on their heels as they neared closer and closer to the healing hall. Finally, they arrived and Loki pulled Sif over toward Eir. She was surprised to see them. "Did Sif have scars on her stomach after coming back from Vanaheim?" He asked her, a sense of urgency in his voice.

Eir nodded slowly. "Yes, she did. Why? Has something happened?"

"Her scars have completely disappeared and she _claims_ she's not Ullr's mother." Loki told her and Sif scoffed.

"I've _never_ had scars there and I am _not_ Ullr's mother." Sif told everyone around her. Eir gave her a look of confusion before having her sit on a bed. Ullr and Loki stood off to the side as Eir examined her.

Eir pulled Loki off to the side to speak wit him privately but Ullr followed them. "There's something else. I've been sensing residual _magical_ energy around her." Eir told him. "What has she been doing lately?"

"She came back from her trip to Nornheim." Ullr interrupted. "Before her trip, she knew I was her son and she had he scars. She came back without the scars and doesn't remember that I'm her son."

"Nornheim?" Eir asked Loki. "You don't think Karnilla would use magic on Sif?"

Loki shook his head. "Nornheim has only just repaired its communications with Asgard. Karnilla wouldn't risk using magic on an Asgardian and break any ties to Asgard so suddenly. They need the supplies we have. It must have been someone else."

"Why did Sif travel to Nornheim?" Eir inquired.

"I don't know. Heimdall told us that whatever Sif was doing it was clouded from him. He could neither see nor hear her." Loki explained to her.

"Whatever she was doing there, the magic that I'm sensing from her is dark. _Unnaturally_ dark." Eir told him. They all looked over at Sif, who looked bored sitting there all by herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery, Mystery, Mystery....
> 
> Working on the next chapter! Hopefully, it'll be up over this weekend!


	9. I'm A Boy, No, I'm A Man

Ullr sat in Loki's study, going through book after book. He looked up and over at his father. There were dark marks under his eyes and his eyes fluttered tiredly before being forced open once again. Loki had been up for days searching through the books in his study for an answer to Sif's new condition. Ullr had brought his father food upon Frigga's prompting. She had stuck her head in to check up on the both of them throughout the days that they searched for an answer. Unlike his father, Ullr let himself fall asleep quite a few times. He even had gone to his own chambers when he felt tired. Loki was always awake when Ullr walked in the door and checked over the books his father had read in his tired state. Sometimes, Loki would mutter under his breath as he read certain passages, but the words did not reach Ullr's ears.

However, Loki's muttering finally reached Ullr's ears. "They've taken her. They've ripped apart my Sif and torn her to pieces. They took the pieces that belonged to me. I want them back." He muttered tiredly, not caring about the words that fell from his lips being audible to others.

Ullr looked over at Loki. He had pushed away his book and was rubbing the bridge of his nose as he continued to speak.

"She trains too hard and differently now. She opens herself up to attacks in the training yard. She doesn't cover her defenses.  She forgot about all the things that I taught her. She's changed so much." Loki lifted his head and stared at his son. "She forgot about me. She forgot she cares about me. She forgot us. She doesn't remember being with me."

Ullr thought over his words carefully, thought about the way that Sif acted now. He recalled that every time someone brought up him being Loki's son. Sif would turn away, or walk away, or start a new conversation. Anything involving Loki would bring up those same responses. Ullr opened his mouth to say something back to Loki but he was passed out among his books, his sleep deprivation finally getting to him. Frigga poked her head in to check upon them. Her eyes wandered to her son and back to Ullr.

"He just fell asleep." Ullr told her simply. "Should we move him to his room?"

"I would say yes but he might awaken if he is moved." Frigga answered calmly as she stepped inside the room and moved toward the both of him. "I worry for him. He hasn't been the same since Sif's return. He barely eats."

"This is the first time he's slept in days." Ullr murmured. 

* * *

_Sif tossed and turned in her bed as her pleasant dreams became nightmares._

_She was running. Her blood pumping through her veins with every step. The forest twisted around her and became more sinister. Her hood fell and the branches moved quickly and scratched at her skin. She looked behind herself briefly and tripped over a loose root accidentally. "No! No!" She yelled at the dark looming figure that approached her. "You stay back! Stay away from me!"_

_A wide grin filled the dark figure's face. "Oh, Sif... You know you can't run from me. I will always find you. I will always catch you."_

_"Keep away! You're a monster! You stay away from me!" Sif yelled back at the figure. "Leave! Go away!"_

_The figure laughed and leaned toward her. "My dear Sif, you're the one who asked me to stay. I could have left when you knew what was happening in my head but you asked me to stay and now my thoughts are mine alone."_

_Her hand drifted tow here her dagger was kept. Her hand met nothing but air and her eyes snapped back to the figure's. They shined a bright green and Sif saw herself in the reflection of them._

_"Looking for this?" A dagger was raised and Sif attempted to grab it. It was pulled away from her reach. "Not so fast, my lady. There's just one thing I need to do first." Sif felt her arms, hands, and legs bound by the forest and another tree limb wrapped itself across her neck, chest, and waist to prevent her movement. "We just have to fix one thing." The dark figure held up golden thread and a silver needle. "Do you ever wonder what it feels like to scream and have no one hear you?" The needle moved closer to Sif and she tried to break free from her bonds._

_"No! NO!" Sif yelled as a hand grabbed her jaw._

_Sif sat straight up. Her eyes were filled with tears as the images from her nightmare replayed themselves over in her head. There was a knock at her door followed by its opening and Loki poking his head through. "Sif? Are you alright? I thought I heard-" He stopped abruptly and stared at her with wide eyes. "Oh gods." He stepped into her room and walked over to her. "It will be fine. We can fix this. You need to see Eir."_

_"I feel fine, Loki." Sif answered and Loki shook his head._

_"You must see Eir right now." Loki told her._

_"No-" Sif began to say something but Loki interrupted her._

_"It was not a suggestoin. You will go see Eir." Loki demanded._

_"Fine." Sif said shortly as she clambered off her bed fully dressed. She walked across her room and out the door with Loki on her heels. Sif said nothing to Loki as she made her way through the palace to the Healing Rooms. She glanced back at him briefly and caught his eyes. She looked away quickly. **Green eyes.** She pushed open the door to the Healing Rooms and walked over to Eir._

_Eir looked up at her and her mouth fell open slightly. "Lady Sif-"_

_"Loki has demanded that I see you for some reason." Sif interrupted her, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I feel fine."_

_"You don't look like you do." Eir pulled Sif over to a mirror and Sif looked at herself. She saw what they had seen. There were scars, new ones, all around her mouth. Sif stepped forward and gingerly touched the skin around her mouth. She could feel the raised skin beneath her fingers._

_"I don't understand. How is this possible?" Sif murmured to herself before looking to Loki. "What did you do?"_

_"I did nothing." Loki answered. "I came to check upon you. Nothing else."_

_"I know it was you. These scars are just like the ones you had. What did you do to me?!" Sif argued with him._

_"I did nothing!" Loki yelled back._

_"Calm down. There is no need to argue over this." Eir interrupted the beginning of a fight. She looked to Sif and spoke, "We can fix this, my lady. There are potions and spells to hide them from view but it will take time to fully get rid of them."_

_Sif stared at her reflection in the mirror. "He did this to me." Sif whispered. "He caused these scars and this pain." Sif turned and walked toward Loki. "Is this what you did to yourself? Caused yourself pain and then hid your scars from us."_

_"No," Loki answered._

_"You're a liar!" Sif yelled at him. "Show me your scars! I know they're there!" Loki said nothing  to her. "Show me them!" There was silence between them before Loki flicked his wrist and the glamour charm hiding his scars fell away. "How did you hide them?" She asked slowly._

_"A charm. It makes it so that I cannot see them or feel them and neither can anyone else." He explained to Sif._

_"So you've lied to us all these years." Sif said before she slapped him hard across the face._

* * *

Loki sat up straight as he awoke from his odd dream. "That's it!" He exclaimed loudly. "I can prove everything!" He sprung out of his bed, slightly confused as to how he had gotten there but shrugged it off and quickly dressed. He hurried to his door and opened it right before Ullr had been going to knock. 

"You're awake now." Ullr said to him.

"I have and I also have great news. I know how your mother's scars are hidden!" He stepped around Ullr and began heading down the hallway. "Quick! Follow me!"

"Wait! There' something very important I need to tell you!" Ullr yelled at him and Loki turned around to look at him. Behind Ullr was a girl about his age, her dark hair covering half of her face. She wore dark clothing and stared at Loki with shining blue eyes.

"Who is this? One of your friends?" Loki asked Ullr.

Ullr glanced back at the girl and he gave her a quick nod. "Hela. M-My name is Hela." She answered slowly. Loki said nothing and stepped toward the both of them. He stopped in front of Hela and stared at her. She pulled on a piece of her hair that was covering her face. Loki reached and pushed her hair back behind her ear to reveal the scarred side of her face. There were many and Loki could swear that he recognized them as the same ones Sif had. Hela pulled her hair back in front of her face.

He looked over at Ullr, who had been watching the both of them carefully. "Is she-? How-?"

"I don't know." Ullr answered. "Heimdall says it is her. He saw her in Niflheim, just wandering around and knew who she was."

Loki looked back to Hela. She was staring at the ground, avoiding eye contact with him. "I know a way we can make sure that she is your sister." Loki answered, grabbing the girl's wrist and began leading her off down the hall. Ullr followed quickly behind them.

"And just how exactly do you plan on proving or disproving such a thing?" Ullr asked him once he caught up to his father's quick pace. He shot Hela an apologetic face before looking at his father.

"The same way that I found out that Odin wasn't my father." Loki said simply, despite the underlying tone in his voice. 


End file.
